After last night's performance by Faith Hill, Unity Deuce is probably petitioning to change the rules of softball to 2 outs per inning. Just when you thought the Negra y Negra were down and out, they were up and safe. In true Faith Hill fashion, the Atlantic Stewardship Intercourse Pennsylvania League's "bad boys" discovered Unity Two's weakness and exploited the snot out of it.
"After 2.5 innings of unadulterated bush-league, I became desperate. So I sold my soul for a couple key hits" mumbled Joe "Rally Killer" Veenstra. Yahoo! Sports stated that Veenstra is suffering from the weight of his actions at the plate and is reportedly "seeking counsel" at a local Softball Anonymous group.
Despite Faith Hill's watches being set to "amateur hour", they managed to pull off the win for another trip to the Final Four. On Monday, they face the seasoned veterans of Midland Park. After the game, Roger "The Skip" Steingingningeingia told the Black and Black that "in order to beat this talented squad, we gotta try our hardest to not be distracted by their bright orange uniforms and pale Dutch skin". Legendary athletes and hilariously over-qualified analysts Magic Johnson and John Madden also chimed in via satellite, adding that Faith needs to "score more runs than the other team". Wiser words have never been spoken.
At the post-game rendezvous, expectations were low in regards to whether or not the squad would hear obscenely loud, crude and tired stories from yester-year due to the fact that the team's favorite story teller, Scott Bushoven, was absent. When asked why he couldn't attend the rager, Bushoven replied "I gotta get home so I can DVR The Bachelorette". For this atrocious act of betrayal, Bushoven suffered a loss of 134 respect points, putting him dangerously close to Veenstra's total of 0.
Luckily, the Skip picked up the slack with stories about assaulting his elders and threatening murder in the 1st degree. As a whole, the Black and Black averaged roughly 3.6 laughs and 2.2 cackles per minute. When asked about the Skip's performance, Noah "I Don't Have a Nickname Yet" Ruitenberg replied "Are we all out of bacon already? Seriously? I only had 2 slices. I guess I'll have sausage, or whatever".
In the gaming world, Mario Kart was dominated by Veenstra, who admits that "Kart is really all he has going for him right now". That's all for today. Tune in Monday (or whenever I get bored) for another Nobel prize-winning blog post.
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