Which takes us to today. Faith Hill vs. Unity Uno. A clash of the titans. Mano-a-mano. Showdown throwdown. (You get the idea)
Unlike their embarrassing display vs. Midland Park, the Black and Black remembered that softball bats are used for getting base-hits and not for fencing, killing pesky attic dwellers or re-enacting 1940's gangster movies. "For the longest time I stared at these long, aluminum stick things, not knowing what in the ham sandwich it was for", drooled Joe "Vanilla Thunder Thighs" Veenstra. "Then, it hit me...which kinda hurt a lot. Luckily, it jogged my memory and I soon realized that these so-called "bats" are used to hit softballs various distances!"
And various those distances were indeed. Veenstra explored every grain of sand in the infield, only 1 of which was actually a hit. "My bat is hot right now", exclaimed Veenstra, who boasts a .145 average. The Boys in Black managed to get more runs than the other team, resulting in a successful outcome for the team that wasn't Unity One.
Tonight, Faith Hill looked like themselves, showing no mercy to hoards of beer bottles and pizza. Roy Boy got into the mix and was 1 for 1 on poop stories, leveling him with his son's total on the season. Wildcard Jeanne Bushoven recorded her 32nd "story-steal" of the season, interrupting Roy mid-story a record 14 times.
Jigsy miraculously pulled off a rare completely-conscious after party appearance, managing to fight off sleep for almost 2 hours straight. The Black and Black hope to show this kind of dedication to the team as they play Midland Park this Thursday.
Keys for tonight's victory:
1. Fight the temptation to skip the game and B-line it to Skip's hot tub
2. Show up to the correct field
3. Try not to suck
4. Pray Midland Park does
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